[Felvtalk] Bad News..

[ROBERT CHAPEL]

Hello All:
I'm going to make this somewhat brief as I've had my last two messages 
NOT post..nor had I received any group messages until about 5 minutes 
ago..
My remaining cat ( Magellin..  nee   Jelly )  who is my little love...  
much like Amani's Zander.  Stopped eating
a week and one half ago...  Hospitalized for two days and vet said very 
bad URI and possible lungworm
This was the vet the shelter uses and they often don't look to hard 
first time out to save the shelter $$...    Long Story short ( just as 
matters went with my other little guy) I had to spend the money anyway 
to get an accurate DX...    He has a tumor ( likely lymphoma) just 
forward of his heart... a WBC of 186000 and rapidly dropping HCT ( 5 
weeks earlier I had an extensive wellness exam on him and he was FINE... 
top of the chart HCT... just a couple of other glitches...
He really HATES being force fed and I don't know I am doing him any 
favors prolonging his life this way as it is not likely that he is going 
to begin to eat again on his own if it is the tumor and the Virus that 
are causing the
loss of appetite...OR making it difficult for him TO eat ( though he 
does seem to do OK with the Pica that alerted me to the fact that he 
might be anemic... he was eating cat litter and licking the cement 
powder off the laundry room floor)....
I force fed him for a week in hopes that he might begin to eat again on 
his own....  He's on Mirtazapine, Prednisolone, Winstrol and Doxy right 
now but It's literally killing me to have my little boy just unable to 
play or eat or enjoy being petted...   All the best of what we had is in 
abeyance....    I don't want him to starve to death but if I keep him 
alive by force feeding him  I could just be setting him up for death by 
another means ( he is clearly having difficulty breathing...using 
accessory muscles...  only occassionally lying on his side 
comfortably).....  He does not appear to be in abject pain so I am 
reluctant to put him down but it is SO trying for me particularly in he 
wake of losing my other little guy only a couple of months ago after 
nearly a year of trying to get him well......   And, once again, there 
is the damn matter of financial limitations.   If there were a "cure" 
and it cost me a few thousand I would spend the money.. but with a FeLV 
cat it is highly questionable if thousands spent could even guarantee a 
few more months....  Currently I am force feeding him a few oz's a day 
of AD with a calorie supplement paste mixed in... Just enough to keep 
him from starving and giving him some fluid... just in case buying him a 
few extra days witnesses any kind of change for the positive with the 
meds he's getting.....      I'm trying NOT to give in to putting him 
down now to save ME the heartache of watching another cat die over a 
matter of months...   Living alone and having no one  to talk to about 
this that shares my feelings for this guy and won't get VERY tired of 
hearing about it  makes it that much more difficult.....  I'm getting 
VERY depressed and closure could at least leave me having only grief to 
deal with...which is, frankly, a LOT easier than the daily....   " is he 
doing better"?  " maybe a miracle will occur"... or putting him on my 
chest only to have him be so uncomfortable there that he immediately 
leaves....   That's the hardest part.... He's here physically but I no 
longer have MY Jelly...   Thanks for listening...   any suggestions 
welcome...
Bob
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