[Felvtalk] Tucker

Fri Jun 10 20:29:53 CDT 2016

Rachel – you sound like you are going through a lot of the feelings I had after Tigger passed away. I quite accidentally looked over at the kitties in PetSmart – I was NOT going to look at them that day. But Topaz looks very similar to Tigger even though she is a girl and Tigg was a boy. That somehow is comforting – even though I am determined to not compare the two of them. I even had GUILT about liking Topaz. But I did feel like I had to get her out of that glass enclosure, and heck – I have a big house, what’s wrong with bringing one home. You will know if it is okay to help out another kitty…….Ardy

From: Felvtalk [mailto:felvtalk-bounces at felineleukemia.org] On Behalf Of Rachel Dagner
Sent: Thursday, June 9, 2016 8:50 AM
To: felvtalk at felineleukemia.org
Subject: Re: [Felvtalk] Tucker

I picked up Tucker’s ashes yesterday. I was really worried as I didn’t know if it would make me feel better or worse. I haven’t eaten since Sunday my appetite is nonexistent, I have managed to choke down a couple protein shakes. My eyes are so swollen, I feel bad for anyone who has the misfortune of looking at me, or being around me for that matter. Well, I of course cried all of the way to the vets, and all the way home. But then I curled up in bed with my little box of Tucker, and I actually did feel a little more at peace. I laid there with him and went through my pictures again and talked to him about all of my feelings and my love for him, about our memories and how much I miss him. 

I have actually been in touch with a rescue group I found on pet finder, they test every cat for FELV/FIV while many others don’t. I know that there is no sure thing with testing, and I wouldn’t trade my time with Tucker for anything in the world. I just know that emotionally and financially I am not ready for FELV again right now. If it happens, just like with any illness, then I deal with it, because that is what you do.  I am going to Petsmart over in Tampa on Sunday to meet their kitties, I have no idea if I will be ready, or if this is what I desperately need to do to help me heal, but it won’t hurt to go meet them and see how my heart feels. One of the greatest gifts Tucker gave me is that “no cats” Harry, when I showed him a pictures of a kitty on Pet finder he said  “Is that the one you want to get?” So I know now that I will never again have to live without the feel of that soft fur on my face or the heart melting sound of purring in my ear. It is so hard because I am scared to get one, and I am scared not to. I guess we will see what happens…

From: Felvtalk [mailto:felvtalk-bounces at felineleukemia.org <mailto:felvtalk-bounces at felineleukemia.org> ] On Behalf Of Ardy Robertson
Sent: Wednesday, June 08, 2016 11:59 PM
To: felvtalk at felineleukemia.org <mailto:felvtalk at felineleukemia.org> 
Subject: Re: [Felvtalk] Tucker

I’m just so happy that you had that kind of relationship with your fur-baby. The memories are wonderful. I recently adopted another cat even though I said I would not. No one will ever take Tigger’s place in my heart, but Topaz is easing the pain. I may never have that bond that I had with Tigger or like you had with Tucker, but I figured that was not a reason to not try again, and with all the little homeless kitties, I think Tigger would have wanted me to help another kitty. Certainly take your time, but I hope you can open your heart again at some point.

Ardy

From: Felvtalk [mailto:felvtalk-bounces at felineleukemia.org] On Behalf Of Rachel Dagner
Sent: Wednesday, June 8, 2016 7:22 AM
To: felvtalk at felineleukemia.org <mailto:felvtalk at felineleukemia.org> 
Subject: Re: [Felvtalk] Tucker

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. I knew it was going to be hard for me, it has been even harder than I ever imagined. I went through all of my adorable pictures of him last night. Remembered him how he was and imagined him that way again. He was such a cool and handsome little guy. I only had him for a year and a half. In that time we went through so much. Emergency vet visits, surgeries, worry. I wouldn't change it for the world though. He touched my life and heart so much. I opted for a private cremation, so I can keep him close to me always. I was the one person in his life that he loved and adored more than anything, and he never doubted my love for him.  

Sent from my iPhone

On Jun 8, 2016, at 8:02 AM, Katherine K. <kathstix at gmail.com <mailto:kathstix at gmail.com> > wrote:

I'm sorry about Tucker and for the pain you feel. I hope the happy memories you shared bring you comfort during this difficult time. We're here for you. 

On Wed, Jun 8, 2016 at 1:37 AM, Ardy Robertson <ardyr at centurytel.net <mailto:ardyr at centurytel.net> > wrote:

I'm so sorry for your loss of Tucker.

Ardy

-----Original Message-----
From: Felvtalk [mailto:felvtalk-bounces at felineleukemia.org <mailto:felvtalk-bounces at felineleukemia.org> ] On Behalf Of
Rachel Dagner
Sent: Tuesday, June 7, 2016 9:33 AM
To: felvtalk at felineleukemia.org <mailto:felvtalk at felineleukemia.org> 
Subject: [Felvtalk] Tucker

I lost him yesterday morning. He was having a really hard time breathing due
to the tumor in his chest. It was time, they got me in right away. It was so
very hard to say goodbye. I haven't been able to quit crying since.
It's so unbelievably hard, even knowing that it would happen soon. I miss
him so much. Everything reminds me of him. I am at work luckily alone today,
and can't quit crying. I had him with me at work last week and he was laying
on my desk and purring and sleeping. It's just so hard to believe he is
gone. I sat in the parking lot at my vets for at least an hour with my car
door open, just in case he spirit needed to get inside and come home with
me. I know it will get better, but right now the pain is just unbearable. I
know that those here who have gone through this understand where I am right
now.

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